(Dangle) ‘Good morning, people.’ Well, apparently, the Hells Angels who own that brothel out there, out on 80… They’re doing a program, uh, hand in your gun for a, uh… [clicks tongue] Uh, ***. – ‘Hand job?’ – Yeah. “Hand guns for hand job ***.” That’s what the poster said. Yeah, they wanted us toRead More Is Wiegel Dating a Serial Killer? – RENO 911!
– Try and eat healthy. I drink the bottled water, I feel kinda, and it makes you go to the bathroom every 10 seconds. But, you know, I feel kinda silly buying the bottled water. Maybe I’m just too mid-Western. Every time I go in a store, I’m always like, hey how you doing? Yeah,Read More What’s Up With Bottled Water?
– WELCOME, JOHNSON FAMILY. NOW, WE ALL KNOW WHY WE’RE HERE. COUSIN DELROY’S GETTING MARRIED… all: MM-HMM. – TO A MAN. WHICH IS CRAZY. – MM-HMM. – AND WE’RE IN SUPPORT, AND, UH, WE JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP WITH THE PARTICULARS OF A GAY WEDDING. WHAT I’VE DONE IS I TOOK THE INITIATIVE TORead More Key & Peele – Gay Wedding Advice
[indistinct radio chatter] – Sheriff’s department! – Sheriff’s department! Frisbee! (Garcia) ‘Chandler, Ross, Joey’ ‘Oliver, Greg, get in the house!’ ‘Get in the house!’ (Garcia) ‘How are we doin’ today? How are we doin’?’ We got a call down there at the department uh, some, uh, aircraft takin’ off from, uh, Reno airport’s been receivin’Read More Alien Shooting – RENO 911!
– ALL RIGHT, Y’ALL GATHER ROUND. GATHER ROUND. WELCOME, GENTLEMEN. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL AND BLESSED DAY FOR AN AUCTION. ALL RIGHT, Y’ALL, GET ON UP THERE. – PUT THAT WHIP DOWN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS, THOUGH. – STRAIGHT UP. I DON’T CARE WHAT PLANTATION I END UP ON. I’M STRAIGHT STAGING A REVOLT IN THISRead More Key & Peele – Auction Block
– So I go, “I have sent six of my Libyan missiles “to blow up the Sears hardware department “in Valley Stream, Long Island. ♪ “Ha-lama-ya-am-aya ♪ Yam-ay-ya-ai-ai-ia-ia” [intense hip-hop music]♪[cheers and applause] – Welcome to “This Is Not Happening.” I’m your host, Ari Shaffir, and today the topic is crime. [cheers and applause] YouRead More Jim Breuer – Bombing in Sears – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored
You know, God closes a door and then he opens a window and my window happened to be a giant, ethnically ambiguous punk rock chick with big titties. Looking like if The Rock was a Suicide Girl.[dark electronic music]♪ ♪– Welcome to “This Is Not Happening.” [moaning] I’m your host, Roy Wood Jr. Ooh, niceRead More Louis Katz – Louis and the Tramp – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored
[rhythmic bass beat, sensual moans] ♪ ♪ – LATRELL? – WHAT’S UP, BABY GIRL? – CAN YOU PLEASE TURN THAT OFF? – WHY, YOU DON’T LIKE MY MUSIC? – IS IT MUSIC? BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE A BUNCH OF SEX NOISES OVER A BASS LINE. – OH. I GET IT. YOU DON’T LIKE MY MUSICRead More Key & Peele – Office Homophobe
‘How you doing, Bernardino?’ Now, some folks down at the Piggly Wiggly in the produce section, real upset. – You’ve been there? – They’re upset. – Yeah. – You’ve been there? (Junior) ‘Did you see anything while you were down there?’ I’m… I haven’t been there for… …seventy years? – Seventy years? – Oh. Yeah.Read More RENO 911! – Terry at the Piggly Wiggly
(Mark) He’s disgusting. Bernard? He’s disgusting. He’s not even like her. He’s an airplane technician. I mean, come on. And he talks too much. That’s why I like you. You don’t talk. You just listen. – It’s good. [bell dings] Okay. And the captain has turned on the “fasten seat belt” sign. Got a littleRead More Key & Peele – Turbulence – Uncensored