“Porch Pirates” Steal Holiday Packages | The Daily Show

“Porch Pirates” Steal Holiday Packages | The Daily Show


With the rise
of online retailers, it seems like everything
is getting delivered to our doorstep. Last year,
my cousin was pregnant, and her baby showed up
in an Amazon envelope. Yeah. They saved on hospital
bills and free shipping. But if you’re one
of the millions of people waiting for a holiday package
to be delivered to you, you better watch out– because some assholes
are coming to town. NEWSMAN:
Faster than they arrived, packages can disappear. Tonight, porch pirates are
striking across the country, just as a record number
of deliveries are being made. Captured on camera but
not always caught by police, The New York Times says
nationwide, more than 1.7 million packages
are stolen or go missing every day,
90,000 in New York City alone, an astonishing $25 million
in lost goods and services across the country. Sweet Lord! Two million packages stolen
a day. 90,000 in New York alone. I mean, I only steal,
like, two or three a week, -but I guess it adds up.
-(laughter) And by the way, why is the news calling them
“porch pirates”? These people just steal shit. That’s just got called “thief.” Don’t be making people sound
cooler than they are. “Oh, I’m a Walgreens pirate!” -No, you’re a shoplifter!
-(laughter) A real porch pirate would attack
your porch with a crew and then take it over. Yeah. The house would still
be yours, but every morning you’d have to swashbuckle
your way to your car. Just like, “Ya! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! “I’m out!
Aw, shit, I forgot my phone. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!” Be like, “Aargh!
You win this time, Steve! But we’ll see you
when the sun sets! Arrgh!” “Actually, I have a lot of work,
so I’m gonna be home late.” “Again, Steve?! “Your marriage is suffering!
Aargh! The other day
your son called me Dad!” (laughter) (applause) -(cheering, whistling)
-But… but no matter
what you call them, stolen packages
are clearly an epidemic. And the police have come up
with a few novel solutions to fight this crime. NEWSWOMAN: The rampant theft
has the sheriff’s department in Washington County, Oregon,
going on offense, planting bait packages
on front steps to catch culprits and deter
potential criminals. Once the package is picked up,
police use a combination of GPS,
cell phone signal, even radio frequency
to track it down. In Round Rock, Texas,
one police station creating
Operation Front Porch. Instead of risking theft
at your home, you have your packages sent to
the police station for pickup. We’ll store it
and categorize it, and we ask you to come
pick it up within three days. A place where you keep
your packages secure so customers
can come pick them up? My man,
you’ve just invented a store. (laughter) And don’t get me wrong… don’t get me wrong, it’s nice
that the police are helping, but I’m gonna be honest,
I think the police already have too many jobs in America. Police have to solve crimes,
they have to direct traffic, they have to find shelter
for the homeless, they have to do social work,
answer white ladies calling 911. Now they’re working retail, too? So what, you’re gonna have cops
coming up to your car window like, “Sir, do you know why
I pulled you over?” “Uh…” “‘Cause we got these
new boots you’re gonna love!” (laughter, applause) So… the police
are doing what they can to stop package theft,
but in many cases, you’re gonna want to call
Animal Control as well. NEWSWOMAN: A Los Angeles
homeowner can rest easy after learning who was stealing
packages from his front door. You see it right there. Turns out
it was this little guy. Surveillance video caught this
sneaky squirrel in the act, grabbing an Amazon package
and dragging it away. It appears the porch pirate
has been pretty active. The owner says he
frequently finds his packages in the bushes
around the apartment complex. Yeah, you didn’t see
that coming, huh? A squirrel stealing packages. I bet you thought
it would be, like, a raccoon ’cause they look like criminals
with that mask, but you know what?
That’s profiling. Because statistically, squirrels and raccoons steal
at the same rate, but no one suspects
the squirrels ’cause of cute privilege. (laughter) You know, what’s funny
about this whole thing, though, is because the squirrel
takes the package and then throws it away
in the bush, it’s almost like
the squirrel is hoping there’s gonna be acorns in there
and always gets disappointed. Just like,
“Damn it! Another iPhone. “Someday,
they’ll have to buy acorns. It’s all anybody eats.
It’s all anybody eats.” So, when you’re having gifts
delivered this holiday season, please keep an eye
on your packages. And if you forget
to buy someone a gift, at least now you have
the perfect excuse. “Yarr! It was
the porch pirate. Arr!”

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100 Replies to ““Porch Pirates” Steal Holiday Packages | The Daily Show”

  1. Thanks, Trevor. I was going to use the porch pirate excuse for not getting my girl an xmas present, but she watches this show every night.

  2. The news media seems to always need a "lable." The "Rat Creek Fire," or "porch pirate," all to catch your attention. Watch our news and advertising, not the other one's. "Look at the clever name we gave to what are essentially nothing more than heartless thieves."

  3. They have Amazon pick up lockers.. I used it once and the fucking place was like 5 cities over LOL… i had to drive up town just to get my package NEVER AGAIN!!!… ill stick with my 2 day shipping.. nice that i live in a gated community and dont have to deal with thief.

  4. Hahha… Love all ur video😘 I alwys Use go watch ur Daily show😂Btw Merry Christmas Everyone whoever see this Comment ☺

  5. Alliteration is the reason they call them porch pirates.

    A friend of mine's neighbor caught a woman sending her kid to steal packages off his porch with a ring doorbell. Corrupting ones kids is the lowest of lows.

  6. I believe a mail carrier stole my packages, last year. I received a text that they had been delivered just after 7am but they hadn't. After filing a claim, the packages arrived and one had been opened!

  7. I love bait packages. I have them all the time with my cats shit in it after a few times they stop coming to your home. I pick up my amazon packages at my parents house cause my mom is always there zero problems but here. I re tape my amazon boxes and put my cats shit in it as a surprise for thieves.

  8. Love u Trevor ! You are so funny ! , you made my day every day ! If it wasn't for you , last year would been terrible . Once our kids fly the nest , we parents stay behind alone and if you dont have a spouse, it gets worse. Watching your videos everyday has help to put a smile in my face and I dont feel that lonly anymore ! Thanks a lot ! You number one fan !!!!!! 🙋❤

  9. So pick up locations isn't a thing in US? Here in the Netherlands stores can function as a pic up location for delivery companies. When ordering online you can almost always choose where your package gets delivered, at home/work etc. or at a pickup location of choice.

  10. Why are they showing what the police’s defenses are for this? Hopefully it’s irrelevant but I mean it just looks like the news showing the strategy of one team

  11. YES AND HERE IN CALIFORNIA STORE EMPLOYEES CAN ONLY WATCH PEOPLE WALK OUT THE DOOR WITH STOLEN ITEMS BECAUSE THE LAWS PROTECT THE THIEVES FROM BEING PHYSICALLY STOPPED …THEY SAY IT IS BECAUSE THE COMPANY WOULD RATHER LOSE THE MONEY ON STOLEN ITEMS RATHER THAN PAY FOR ANY EMPLOYEES MEDICAL BILLS IF THEY GET HURT IN THE PROCESS..TO WHICH I SAY HIRE SECURITY GUARDS THAT WAVE THAT BY ACCEPTING SECURITY COMPANY FULL MEDICAL INSURANCE AND GUARANTEED PAID WORK MANS COMP..BUT WITH A REASONABLE REVIEW AND LIMIT. LIKE YOU CANT GET PUNCHED IN THE NOSE AND GO ON LIFETIME DISABILITY..I AM SURE THERE ARE EVEN THOSE OF US WHO WOULD OFFER OUR SERVICES FOR FREE..I KNOW…GET PEOPLE WITH LONG JAIL TIME TO DO IT..THEY WOULD BE BEST BECAUSE THEY KNOW HOW TO SPOT A THIEF AND DO THIS WITH A GUARANTEED REDUCING OF THEIR PRISON SENTENCE.

  12. How about putting feces in an air tight box and have them steal it. Then when they open it. OH SHIT, now that's a real Christmas gift. What a waste.

  13. I saw my neighbor had a big box in front of the door. I told her side neighbor to pick it up for her before someone else does.

  14. Look I live in an apartment complex, if someone steals my shit I'm gonna knock on everyone's door, make my way in, and force my authority on the thief like Amber Gyger did! 😉

  15. Just use the amazon lockets, especially if you live in New York. In Los Angeles, that’s all I used so I wouldn’t have to worry about my packages walking away.

  16. Simple solution. Pay the package deliverers a correct wage, give the deliverer time to truly deliver and let the package only directly delivered to a person who signs for it.

  17. Who is stupid enough to just leave a box of valuable goods out in the open? Of course, no one is supposed to steal them but we aren't that perfect world and doing it is just asking for trouble.

  18. I live in America and have had a package stolen while I was at work. These criminals need to be caught and put in jail. People have no morals are very selfish and dishonest without any concern for anyone or anything. Each year people keep finding different ways to steal other's property. It is sad but More cameras are needed to catch these crooks.

  19. I can just imagine black ppl picking up their packages 📦 at the police station and the cops stopping and frisking them.

  20. If im on the jury i will never convict a homeowner who just straight up blows one of these creeps heads off.
    If yoyt all oh no to this comment- you dont work your ass off to dral with this crap all day and apl n8ght long when the police in my town cant even respond to a guy getting stabbed to death while their kid is on their lap and they have had 40 minutes to respond.
    Grow up people. In the head.

  21. funny, you say a joke, and you have to laugh yourself so that the rest of the people realize you were joking… keep it up..

  22. In third world country, we deliver the packages to the person by hand. Or if you're working, just use your office address. Or use "I'll take the package from the nearest DHL branch office". Or "give it to a neighbor". Or use Storage Service in the nearest convenient store. Seriously, it's 2019! Why are you still keeping your packages just outside of your door? Is US an uncivilized country or what?

  23. Why not just post a rear admiral with his imperial fleet on your porch in order to defend your treasures against the sinister machinations of the evil Porch Pirates? En garde!!!

  24. A lady and her kid wanted to pick up some item from my house ( I was returning a monitor and a chair) but when my mother asked the lady which item it is…the lady couldn't answer.

    They then scurried off…

  25. Land of the free, right? Freedom to not pay taxes if you're a billionaire, freedom to steal people's packages off their porches, freedom to be greedy fucks and screw people over. Freedom!

  26. I don‘t get it.. in Germany a package has to be delivered personally and receivers actually have to sign that they got it. If u r not home the package will be held for u between 7 and 10 days in the nearby postoffice.. like America why u so dumb? 😂

  27. Does this guy just talk about trump every show it seems that way in his commercials smh he obviously isn't too smart #trevorSnowflake

  28. Inmates & Christmas

    My seat was waiting for me, front of the T.V tonight we were watching Elf. It was 2004 and it was a week before Christmas. I was up front, well me a few guys were running Camp by then, 81 had rolled thunder, and as THOR out of respect the brothers always had a seat for me waiting. The movie came on and we were all laughing when you were supposed to and having a good time of it. Movies always at 8 were cool after long days in the brush of Oregon working in rain, muck mud, working to clear forest area's to stop forest fires, fire roads stream habitat, national parks, local parks, we got the job done. Forest Work Crew day after day 6 days a week the trucks pulled out and we worked, and a good movie at the end was a great way to unwind, stay cool. It was near the end of the movie, when the little girl started singing, "You better watch out." I chimed my voice up letting it roll powerfully into the room in time with the music a Christmas classic "You better watch out" Another voice joined in taking the next line. "Better not cry!" a bunch of tough guys.. "Better not pout" chimed in from another corner of the big dark room. Then a few voices with mine took the next line, "I'm telling you why." It is one thing when just a voice or a few sings along, but then something happened. Every single man in that room sang the next line.. "SANTA CLAUSE IS COMING TO TOWN!" We all keep singing louder and louder, other men came in the room, blue clad, with lettering, all began singing lining the walls watching at first with funny looks then catching the bug joined in. Finally a few Sheriffs on duty at The Lane County Forest Work Camp walked in in wonder and amazement as 50 Inmates in JAIL sang a children's Christmas Carol at the top of our voices, smiles, leaning and swaying with the music, Santa Clause IS COMING TO TOWN…. Christmas in Jail. #THOR

  29. You CANNOT talk about this topic, without talking about this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoxhDk-hwuo . Worth every minute, I promise.

  30. Beware of the pirates in Congress too. They will break any law to impeach a President on baseless claims and indirect witnesses that claim “mainstream media” as evidence. Schiff-Gate led by the Democrats and Nancy Pelosi willfully spied on Republican leader, who was their competitor, along with privileged lawyer conversations and even journalists – all of these incidents are contrary to what the Constitution and the Bill of Rights aims to defend.

  31. WTH!?
    Isn't a place where packages are stored until you pick them up called the POST OFFICE?!
    Amazon should be charged but forced to use post offices!

  32. I'm not going to lie, I freaking hate squirrels. I put out food and suet for the birds, the high-quality products, and the little a$$holes eat every last bit of it and leave none for the birds. 5 squirrels make my life miserable. You can throw glasses of cold water at them, shake a broom at them, shout… they are like New York City rats- they don't give af.

  33. My daughters great grandmother sent her a 50 year old child’s cookbook which she had as a little girl. I wish that the scum that took it from my porch could know three things, 1. That he broke our hearts. 2. That we have him on camera. And 3. That he is a disappointment to everyone he’s ever known.

  34. Leaving the package should not be considered as Delivered. Hand it over to person who ordered it and get a signature. If the person is not home, Wait for 3 days and return it. If that person really needed that package, he should get it himself/herself.This is followed in most of the European and asian countries.

  35. Perhaps the USPS can create a service where packages are delivered to the local post office (per package delivery zip code). Notication of receipt of the package can be done thru the USPS' 'Informed Delivery' service. If after 2 days packages aren't picked up (or scheduled for delivery), then the USPS can apply hold/storage fees. The USPS would need to offer late hours in some locations, perhaps to 7:00pm.

  36. In my "third world" African country, Nigeria. Your goods are sent to Post office and you'll get called to come pick them up. Or they will bring it to your home and hand it over to you or any one who can stand in for you. If they don't see you, they take it back to office, where it will stay for 30 days before they return it if you fail to go pick it up.

  37. When you realize that a supposedly third world country (India) has a better and more reliable delivery system than America. But hey let's still call America as advanced…. whose father what goes… oh wait their packages

  38. What do they expect? The package is just sitting there. In my country if you are not at home in time for the delivery the guy calls you and arranges another time or brings it to your workplace, or maybe leaves it at your nearest post office. I have never heard of a delivery guy simply leaving a package in front of the door. That's insane.

  39. What?? Why don't Amazon just stop delivering packages to your door? Just deliver it to the closest post station like the rest of the world. Police doesn't have to get involved.

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